Geography of Awesomeness at the Awkward Office

My office has a strange layout, but bear with me... The lobby of the building and the reception desk of our office are at the tip of office. Opposite the reception area of our office is an anonymous entrance, known as the front backdoor entrance. CEO sits next to this door, BigBoss sits next to the office. As you pass reception and other executives in offices, you eventually reach our cube farm.

Someone wanted to call it the bull pen. But come on, its a cube farm full of cube dwellers. I sit in the front corner cube, which is as executive as you get in a cube farm, in my humble opinion! Just beyond my cube is my manager, Nick, and his officemate, Josh's office. You see, Nick and Josh are barely cool enough to have an office and I'm almost cool enough to have one.

Josh/Nick's office and my cube share the same view of an unkept bush/shrub thinger. Sometimes you can't tell if its day or night beyond this oppressive ornamental beast that only makes beautiful flowers once a year for a week at a time. But at least I see outside from my 2.5 feet of window.

Just for general insight, Tyler's desk in the cube farm is located several stalls behind me, therefore, far from cool enough to get his own office. If I was a betting woman... which I'm probably not because this one time, I spent $50 at a casino and didn't win anything then saw a real nice pair of shoes that would have totally not been like losing $50, they'd be comfortable and protective, so more like winning... but if I made bets, Tyler will sit in an office before I ever do. He's a good worker. And I mock my bosses.

Hair Styles in Awkward Office

Nick has a lot of hair. BigBoss keeps his cut neat, but Nick, he's got thick curly hair and he wears it longish. BigBoss is never one to let people live their own lives, so BigBoss has been on a campaign of Hair-assment.

At Happy Hour last week, BigBoss outlines a complaint made by one of my teammates, Tyler, about Nick. It should be noted that Tyler is a low key type, somewhat shy, unassuming guy. He's not likely to strike up a conversation with BigBoss. I seriously doubt he'd take a complaint about Nick directly to BigBoss. So, Tyler's complaint: Nick's hair is making it hard to do his job. BigBoss assures Tyler that HR would take this matter seriously and BigBoss has already brought it to Nick's attention that his hair is obviously distracting! So, as any good HR worthy complaint, it was discussed at Happy Hour, with Nick, Josh (Nick's Officemate) and several other coworkers.

I cry foul, because Tyler is a church mouse and would probably quit before he'd complain about Nick's hair. I checked in with Tyler the next day and got the real story. BigBoss ambushed Tyler from his office next to the front exit and asked him, "do you find Nick's hair makes it harder to do your job?" Tyler said, "uhh, maybe a little..." and he beats a path out of the office! So, that is the conversation that BigBoss changed into a formal complaint about Nick's poor personal hygiene.

Well... this week brings a haircut for Nick!

So, now the funnies from the corner cube peanut gallery... I submitted a formal Thank You for Nick's haircut giving him the ability to recognize how great I am, because obviously, his poorly kept hair inhibited his ability to see my true amazingness. These formal Thank Yous go to you as well as your manager, so this surely will get BigBoss's attention.

IMing in Awkward Office

BigBoss is my manager's boss. I've worked with him for over 3 years and he's got strange habits. First, he instant messages you with a greeting, like "hi" or your name, but stops there. I used to think this was a summons to his office, so I would dutifully wander over to his office, but its become apparent that BigBoss isn't beckoning you to visit him... so, I respond to BigBoss over IM. But the conversation ends there.

Fast forward an hour. I go to my manager's office. I said, "Hey, does BigBoss IM you about nothing?"

My manager's officemate, Josh, responds first: "No, BigBoss never IMs me."

My manager, Nick, who I've worked with over 3 years too, responds, "What did he want?"

I don't know, obviously, because we only exchanged greetings!

Nick: BigBoss does that to me all the time. I usually go stand outside his office and stare at him through the window.

Me: I can't see through his window, I'm too short to see through the mailbox attached to his window.

Nick: Go crouch and look UNDER the mailbox! Do it now! Peek in his window!

Thanks, Nick, I'll take your advice on how to be super awkward for sure. I caught up with BigBoss at Happy Hour and he said I didn't respond fast enough, so he forgot why he IM'd me.