Sugar Highs and Lows in Awkward Office

This year at Awkward Office the focus shifted from feeding us to feeding others. There was no Thanksgiving Potluck, but we did collect food for Thanksgiving baskets for those in need. In addition to the employee contributions for the baskets, CEO contributed gift cards for items that were perishable. Our goals for the collection were exceeded and it made me proud to work at Awkward Office.

Once the basket food drive was finished, we moved on to the four day weekend of Thanksgiving week. This means that productivity would decline steadily to midday Wednesday and pretty much snowball downward from there. VP brought cakepops for the office to celebrate Thanksgiving. Delicious. I was craving cake soooo much and this eleviated my craving for cake so I didn't try to make cake in addition to all of the food I'd make the next day.

For the majority of the week, a Costco cake resided in our refrigerator in the office kitchen. The cake was labeled "white cake with 2 pounds of vanilla mousse" which, in a quarter sheet cake, screams "SUGAR RUSH" and Katherine, the HR/Payroll person, decided that after VP's cake pops, we should cut in to the November Birthday Cake before we leave for a four day weekend. Danger. Apparently, much of the office staff did already visit the local IHOP type place for lunch and we've now descended into sugar induced anarchy. It started with Bob, Nick's office neighbor, yelping around about his indigestion. When you eat lunch at the local pancake establishment and then eat Birthday Cake, your stomach is bound to rebel.

Indigestion could certainly be cured by throwing food, right? In Awkward Office the answer is: YES. Bob began to throw his cake pop at Nick as Nick walked past Bob's office, which Nick threw back at him and the war of cake had begun. Bob, Kevin, BigBoss and Katherine were conspiring to attack Nick with Birthday Cake and that is the point when I decided productivity was impossible and I packed up to go home. Nick, in his infinite bossy wisdom, comes around the corner to ask me how much work I had left to do today and I said "not much, I'm taking my laptop home to cook and work."

So there you go, Nick officially approved of my already planned and packed exit and sugar anarchy is in full swing.

When Awkward Office gets Awkward Outside the Office

My very first day at the company, the CEO spoke about the company values and the open culture we would enjoy at Awkward Office. I was impressed. I was also intimidated. Later, at the hardware store, I saw CEO and that was the first of many awkward coworker run ins outside of the office. I should have known what the next many years of my employment would be!

A few days ago, I was buying copious amounts of vegetable stock at my local grocer when who do I run in to? Kevin. One of Nick's peers, another subordinate of BigBoss. Kevin is a tad nerdy, pale and lanky and kind of shy. He likes music and alternative sports. We greeted each other and rushed back to our normal non-office lives.

The next day, Kevin stopped by my cube and inquired about how close I did live to his grocery store. His? No. No. No. This is MY home grocery store! I live so close to it I can't leave home without passing it. He lives at least 10 blocks from the store. So, I propose a plan, because honestly, I can't wear sweats and buy Spaghetti-Os at the grocery store if I am likely to run in to someone I will see on a professional basis.

Me: Kevin - we should both find a new home grocery store. No one wants to run in to their coworkers when they're making a three case of beer grocery store run.

Kevin: Its OK, you didn't have your three cases of beer in your cart yet.

Me: Kevin, thats the point, you noticed what was or was not in my cart.

Kevin: thats true.

Me: Just a recommendation, the next closest grocery store is very close to BigBoss's house.

I really don't have any intention of pretending to not know Kevin or finding a different grocery store. I don't drink beer, so there is little risk involved in the whole "three case of beer run" unless I decide to make 72 beer can chickens or something else that is likely insane and mostly impossible.